Signs of Powerlessness

We came to understand that we were powerless over sex and love addiction and that resolve and willpower alone was not going to break the spell that drove us.  These are some of the signs that helped us recognize that we were truly addicted and needed help:

• Progression - Our behavior began to grow in expanding concentric circles of willingness, risk, and intensity.  What satisfied us at the beginning, exploratory stage only set us up for the behavior we think we need now.
• Violated Values - As our addiction grew, we became more and more willing to violate our cherished moral and religious values leaving us with a sense of shame and regret.  One addict said that he could not lower his moral standards fast enough to keep up with his behavior.
• Efforts to Stop - We found that all of our efforts to stop through resolve, discipline, and willpower might help for a season but we eventually found ourselves acting out again, often in larger ways and binges.  One addict wondered if he should just budget more money when he went away on business knowing he was going to seek out and find a prostitute.
• Risks - We had a greater willingness to ignore the consequences of life whether it was violating the law or putting our life, reputation, and health at risk.
• Unmanageable - We found that we were willing to spend significant amount of money and time on our disease and endure the shame, fear, and loss of self-respect that acting out leaves us with.  Most of all, we went home with secrets and tried to outwardly carry on a normal existence wondering when we were going to get found out.

None of this is intended to shame.  When we came to grips that much in this list was true in our lives, we got help.  This realization of powerlessness was the key to unlock the door to reach out for help.  We found SLAA where people received us without judgment or condemnation and we began to regain sanity and get better.