Sexual Addiction Fourth Step

Doing a Fourth Step as a sex addict took courage because we were gradually giving up our old rationalizations, dishonesty, and self-pity, in order to discover the truth about who we are.  In the process, most of us found ourselves peeling away layers of denial.  Our distorted view of ourselves led us to avoid responsibility for our actions.  Our denial about our addictive behaviors prevented us from seeing our faults.

At the same time, our belief  that we were horrible people kept us from believing we could ever change, or be deserving of a better life.  In taking the Fourth Step, we became willing to challenge these old ways of thinking and examine ourselves with a new clarity.

Based on SAA Text.

Boone Sex and Love Addicts - A Path To Recovery

It may seem as it did for many of us that no matter what we tried to deal with our compulsive sexual behavior, time would pass and we would find ourselves back in the same spot.  We would find ourselves at massage parlors, peep shows, web sites, hook up spots, and affairs as if we never left.

Why do we keep returning to the place that takes so much from us?

It was when we got put on the path of recovery.

Members of the fellowship who had the same struggles talked about how through working the steps they began to see changes in their lives.  Some of us got on this same path and discovered that for us as well sexual sobriety is possible.

The First Big Step

So where do you start if you think you struggle with sexual addiction?  Some of us tried everything before we finally made the first step.  We tried to manage our impulses on our own.  We told our selves we can lick this.  We made excuses as to why the meetings were too inconvenient or why we didn't feel like going.

Finally, we made that longest walk across the parking lot.  We went to an SLAA meeting here in Boone, NC.  To our surprise, we were met by people just like us.  We were encouraged to hear their stories and were surprised to identify with common elements that matched our own.  We saw that people were not beaten down with shame but actually had learned how to move beyond their disease into service.

Going to a meeting was the first important step.  And we are thankful we did before things got worse.

A Spiritual Program

For some of us, the idea of a spiritual program of recovery is difficult.

For some, we had little interest in God and had no regard for religion.

For others, we carried resentment towards our churches or were completely baffled when we realized that our religious beliefs and practices would not deliver us from our sexual addiction.

This program helped us to start over with a clean slate.  We came not as an authority on spiritual matters but as those powerless over our sex and love addiction.  From that vantage point, some of us found new spiritual paths.  Others rediscovered our own faith tradition and received it back with greater depth and richness.

In all cases, we realized what it means that we are not God and that there is something greater than ourselves to be thankful to.